Department of Lap Affairs
Permit to Sit on Freshly Folded Laundry
Stamped, signed and valid for any pile of warm clothes, especially black trousers. Renewal is automa..
Planning Permission for a Hairball (Hallway Only)
Approves one hairball, to be placed in the hallway at night where it will be found by a bare foot. O..
Ceremonial Collar of Mild Authority
Worn at state occasions such as the vet, and removed at once with the back paw. A small bell announc..
The Laptop You Were Using (Refurbished)
A warm, humming slab with the precise dimensions of a cat. Previously used for important work, now u..
Warm Spot Where You Just Sat
The exact patch of sofa you got up from to fetch a drink. Claimed within four seconds. No refunds.A ..
Emergency Tuna, Sealed Under Protest
A tin of tuna kept for genuine emergencies, such as the sound of any other tin being opened.A satiri..
Bird Watching Binoculars, Window Mounted
Professional optics for chattering at pigeons through glass. Comes with a log book in which every en..
Night Vision Stare Upgrade
Improves the existing glowing eye stare used from the end of the bed at night. Now with extra stilln..